words for Pine

>>You are fast asleep. You're long eyelashes gently lay upon your cheek. I've checked on you twice already to watch you breath in and out because in many ways you are still an extension of me. Though you are not safely tucked away in my tummy, I know we are both more content to be close together. As the weather warms I take you for walks on the winding path through the garden and it calms you. The stream trickles by beside us and the gentle breeze smells of our forested home. Sometimes I feel you grow limp and heavy and fast asleep on these walks. Other times you listen closely as I describe my favorite hollyhock and the remedies of each herb. As we walk I take in breaths of your scent. A sweet, musky, safe smell that warms my heart. I wonder if you will always have this scent or a version of it. I can already see your love of the wilderness and brim with excitement as I imagine our little family venturing into the woods, fishing, collecting stones, and swimming in the pools of the river. 

The nights in the first few months with you were thick and hazy, waking many times with a dim light trying but struggling to feed you with ease. Soon you grew safe, and cocooned between your pappa and I, more at home. I simply roll over when you are hungry, it makes more sense this way. In the evenings your pappa whisks you up into his big arms and holds you against his chest. You fall asleep to his familiar hums and soothing voice. You are more than I could have dreamed you to be. As unfamiliar as a little boy seemed at first, my worry has vanished and been replaced with an adoration for every part of your little being. I have never laughed with so much depth as I do when you smile. I have never held anything so close as I do you. I have never felt tears well up  at the thought of how much you rely on me or felt so compelled to protect anything, as much as you. Sometimes it scares me and I want to keep you all to myself, safe in my arms forever. I have never known anyone as close as I do you. I can feel your anxiety in a new place, and I know when you are hungry before you make a sound. I can tell when you are tired and have had enough for one day. I get to realize how blessed I am to be the one to bring such a beautiful light into the world. And as I see you bring joy to those around us, I want more and more to bring you out into the world and make it a better place. 

I think about the boy you will be, the man you will become, and I will teach you inner harmony and strength. I want to give you a foundation of unconditional love so that you can find your path and overcome challenges. In the years before you, I grew into a healthier and happier version of myself, giving up every toxin in hope that you too would be healthy and free of their complications. Your father prepared his life for you so that we would have a safe home and land for you to develop and play wild and free. We both wanted you so dearly before you were brought to us. I gave you all my strength in bringing you into this world without drugs and with each painful decision, you will always take priority.