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Its the end of another summer. The nights are cooling and quieting. The days are shorter and accompanied by the gentle autumn wind. 

Updates

Pine says "I love you" age 2.5. My heart melts.

Noah bear is the sweetest smiling flirt. Sleeps like a stump and brings me back to center when I'm feeling low.

Ben has been busting ass. 600 soaps a day after work. I'm so impressed at his intelligence, without his brain power my dreams would never become anything. We are trying to carve out time to celebrate 4 years of marriage.... Maybe sushi to go? 

My grandparents are getting older. They are starting to do and say things I think the world would rather turn away from. Our culture at least. Like bulging knobby joints inflamed in pain, and unusually large bruises, and getting lost during conversing. I live them so much. To this day they show each other true fondness and push on together. They have taught me so much about this wild world.

Noah

>> Im writing this with my sweet curl of a two week old baby nestled gently into my side, all is calm and soft. At this very moment (knock on wood!!!), as Noah is only two weeks, and Pine is developing skills at the speed of light, things have been strangely.... easy. At this time with Pine I was sitting awake in bed at all hours of the night with cracked and raw nipples crying hopelessly for help, flailing in the torturous waters of new-parenthood. Ben and I were zombies. This time around is a whole heck of a lot different- trying in its own right- but familiar, thank goodness.

Birth 2
Unlike the 24 hours of intense labor that prelude the welcoming of our first son, I labored for only 6 or so hours- most of which were at home picking strawberries, squatting down to pass the contractions and walking through the garden with Pine.
When I was checked at the hospital I was already 9 centimeters dilated and the rushed me off to a delivery room while Ben scrambled to keep up. The midwife and I decided to manually break my waters, and only then did I ever let the feeling of helplessness rush in. Pushing a 9 pound baby out proved much harder than the 7 pounds of my first born. I know I looked wildly into the eyes of my husband with an expression he had never seen. But he was the only one I would have wanted to be in those moments with me- someone who knew me through and through and saw a strength in me that only he knew. One last, horrific push and the warm body that used to be part of me was laying on my chest, and I loved him so much.
No epidural, no pain killers, no meds.

I think if we were all forced to have babies naturally there wouldn't be as many children. Life would be understood in a different manner. I am not here to sit and judge the freedoms we enjoy in this country, or to put others down for their decision to take advantage of them. I will say that I think women are more capable of magnificent things, and birth, true, real, raw, life-moving, painful, and transformative birth is something special that only women get to say they have experienced. So why numb that? There is but one life. The darkest moments of solitude are what make the brightest days even brighter. Not to mention that parenthood- especially motherhood is a continual snowball of sacrifices. So why not start on day 1 and get used to the fears and torments that will haunt you through the years to come? My babies are beating hearts that were literally once a part of me- sent off into the world. I would do ANYTHING for them. Anything.

Anyway, Noah is almost 2 weeks old and sleeping like a champ at night. I feel blessed and completely in love with him. I mourned my relationship with Pine- it has changed and will never be the same. But I have let go and allowed my faith in life to take route, guiding myself and sweet boys on a new journey that will sew us all into a unit- breathing and moving as one complete tribe. I look forward to the years of my sons and learning so much about the world with them.

Midnight Pitch

More of night, this time of year. Mornings are stark, warm covers lifted, and chilled hustles to the kitchen for coffee. Outside we yearn for rain. We dream of grey skies behind bare black oaks and mossy forest floors with sorells and turkey tails. We come home to sweet crackling wood and the plumes of smoking cedar rising from the chimney fill the air in our little hollow with the heaviness of autumn. We love autumn and her lovely season of decay.  The breaking down so as to build up one day again. The unraveling and letting go. The black and burgundy and burnt oranges of her time of year marked by costumes and hauntings and wind whistling by. The garden is transitioning to a solemn place, forcing the last fresh blessed parts of our meals out on the vines before surrendering to the frost. It is a time for so-longs as we sit in the glow of the final warm sunsets, leaving behind the sands and boats and sunflowers of summer. But also of oh-hello's to the cheer and merriment of gift wrapping and hall decking. This year I want to take it slow. I want to walk through winter with a deliberate gaze on what means most through each holiday. Family. Looking forward to traditions with our little man and living vicariously through the wild wonder of childhood.

FAMILY OUTING l ECHO SUMMIT

>>Taking time out for ourselves can sometimes feel impossible with our long list of home projects or even simply keeping up with the cleaning, and stepping out of the whirlwind of "to-do's" sometimes is just necessary. So on Thursday evening it was decided then, we would take up to the mountains. In the present version of our lives this requires some sorting and folding and at least 10 bags for our 3 dogs and baby. I went grocery shopping with the poohbah and prepped a few meals. Ben packed up the Suby. And we were on our way to memories in the making.

We had a wonderful trip. We watched the sun sink down behind the ridge. We took a hike to echo lake and watched the water taxi taking tourists to the other side of the lake. We were going to meet aunty in South Lake for an ice cream cone but baby fell asleep and Aunty had to get home. So we scurried down to Lyra's after dinner and got our own ice cream! We fished and took in the fresh beautiful mountain air. And snuggled into the little cabin at night. Our hearts are full and ready for the next week!

ORDER AMIDST CHAOS I CLOTH DIAPERING

>>Some time ago I was forced to prioritize what I found more important when it came to my diapering system of choice: easy or fulfilling. Alas they do not always merge. But with many helpful advances over the years, cloth has grown more and more applicable to the busy on the go mum. And while cloth diapers are slightly larger in the bag, and washing a load of laundry every other day can seem daunting, the nearly $2,000.00 you save in the end (maybe more if you keep popping out puppies) is well worth the couple cons thrown in there.

After almost 7 months I finally feel like a system has been implicated and I can confidently share with you my cloth diapering world.

This is our station. Where we laugh and tickle and learn abc... and oh yeah, take one off and put one on.

It seems to be working. I have tweaked a few minor details, and come to a place where I can get in and out and on the road with an organized diaper change. 

These two drawers store all of our bamboo inserts or pads- which are used to soak up... you know, and covers- which are the cute yet waterproof covers that are either snap or Velcro. 

I tried to put them together with each load of laundry and it was exhausting. I find it a more simple procedure to get over with at the time of change. Slap the insert onto the cover, throw on a liner and onto bottom it goes. This may change when he wants to thrust himself off of the changing pad, who knows.

There are currently two laundry piles now that poo has approached its grown up stage (exclusively breastfed babes have a no-stink poo that is not thick or sticky. Once you add food into the equation things get real.) The blue bag houses soiled diapers, while the basket is for blankets toys and clothing.

Here are the necessities for a cloth diaper change:

Cloth wipe, wipe solution spray-bottle, biodegradable poo barrier, waterproof cover, and bamboo liner or insert.

Here it is all put together:

My diaper bag could be larger. But then I would probably spend too many minutes digging, like Mary Poppins for my keys. The organizational status is functional.

The mesh bag contains all of my "purse" items like lip stuff and pepper spray and all natural wipes, etc, so that I can just throw it into a purse or diaper bag without fishing for what I need. The little red number is what I currently use for Pine's travel food. Its nothing special, but I keep a jar of food, a spoon, bib, and wipe inside and toss the whole thing into the diaper bag before leaving home. 

Unfortunately, no you cannot take an abundant amount of cloth diapers with you. If you need more than 8, I would suggest packing a few or more natural disposables. Over night trips are included here. Sometimes you just do what you HAVE to do, and not everywhere has a washer/dryer and not everyone wants to smell you toting around a bunch of soiled smellies.

In the diaper bag itself I keep a container of cloth wipes, a spray bottle of wipe solution (baby castile, water, neroli essential oil), 4-6 cloth diapers (stuffed and ready to go), a wet bag (waterproof zip cloth bag for dirties), and other various items such as sanitizer, a change of clothing, sun hat... 

So there you have it. A walk in my shoes. I have never known anything but cloth, maybe this helps my optimism about what comes with them, but I really enjoy using them!

Slow Honey Summer

We lay scattered atop flowered sheets, comforted by the lulling whisper of the fan. Breathing is labored for summer has arrived. The down cover is pulled back. The glass slider is at the end of its track. Here we dream of day trips to the resevoires, cool dips and the scent of pine sap and misery. The summer is intense and leaves the green spring growth stretching for water and yellowed. Only the color from our special garden bursting with exquisite blossoms and bulging fruit, buzzing with life, misted at night, stands the overhead sun. My son lays still beside me, his pale plush skin gently lifting on inhalation. My soul fills quickly with a hot compelling rush of fullfillment- living my longtime dream of bringing to the world a small person. We share a renewed glory in these soft July nights. A sweet tender boy and his pure joy superseed the years past. July was once an airconditioned hunt for a first home, a warm house heavy with a coconut candle, the explosion of hollyhocks and spiraling tendrills of jasmine vine, soft guitar strings and white gauze curtains, late nights laughing around campfires, exploring the natural land seeking answers from the forests and rivers, dancing to sunsets, scouring the orchards for photoshoots, riding bikes along the railroad tracks, swinging a wicker basket through farmers markets, laying with our heads touching and our arms stretched under the sky as the stars go shooting by. There always seems to be a chance to be a child again in July. To run wild and find magic in simplicity.

Mountain Lake

>> The day was warm and busy like any other Wednesday. But inside a rock sank deeper into the pit of my stomach, heavy, yet empty all in the same way. We collected little pieces of you to bring with us. Bits of your baseball glove, pictures, a deck of cards, a map from Europe, a toy from Millie- all memories from the many years you were stitched into our family. All the trips and Christmases and games of spoons... but memories now. Our family trekked the long trek to the special place, hidden deep in the Sierra Nevada's where only a select few spent time with you. Everything was the same. The icy wind, the monumental evergreens, and of course the glassy waters of the lake. Here there is a sense of peace that few places on this earth can rival. We spent the day drifting back in time, laughing, and weeping, and still trying to grasp that we would never share such a place, such a beautiful day, such a warm family trip with you again in the same way. But we vowed to carry you with us from one sunset to the next, lifting up the ones around us, smiling and loving each other more than the day before. For you illuminated the world with your light. We were blessed, among many others to have known you. 

In all the day was perfect. We were able to truly celebrate everything we knew you to be here. Taking in the beauty all around us, holding each other and remembering you in the place where you loved to go. I know you knew we loved you, but I don't think you knew how much. Something I will have to find a way to come to terms with one day. 

The hardest moment was turning for the last time away from the lake, leaving it behind, so desolate and majestic. Saying goodnight.

Bliss

>>BLISS BALLS

Salad from the garden.

Soaking & Sprouting

>>Recently I have been digging a little deeper into finding new ways to improve my overall health. I had previously heard about soaking nuts, and had seen sprouted, dried, mung beans at Whole Foods, but never understood why one would do either. Needless to say, I have a new hobby and want to share!

What I have researched mostly concludes that soaking and sprouting activates the benefits of the subject being soaked. For instance, once a legume begins to sprout, it is evident that the process of breaking down nutrient inhibitors has succeeded and the sprouted bean is now easier to digest and packed with more vitamins than before. Because seeds are "designed" to protect themselves from the elements until germination in warmer weather occurs, the seeds have qualities that are bodies struggle to break down. That is why soaking in warm water (with a little vinegar or lemon juice if desired) helps us take in all the seed has to offer.

And for those of you who are gluten free, you might want to consider this:  When examining the nutrient density of sprouted wheat to unsprouted wheat on a calorie-per-calorie basis, you’ll find that sprouted wheat contains four times the amount of niacin and nearly twice the amount of vitamin B6 and folate as unsprouted wheat; moreover, it contains more protein and fewer starches than non-sprouted grain and as a further boon, it is lower on the glycemic index making it more suitable for those suffering from blood sugar issues.

More specifically, soaking helps:

Remove or reduce phytic acid.

Remove or reduce tannins.

* These two benefits are particularly helpful for a breastfeeding mama, because phytic acid and tannins are hard on you GI tract and can cause discomfort (in adults but especially new systems in babys.) You can read more about this process here and why the "Paleo" diet may not be the best course of action when obtaining maximum health benefits from all plants.

Neutralize the enzyme inhibitors

Encourage the production of beneficial enzymes.

Increase the amounts of vitamins, especially B vitamins.

Break down gluten and make digestion easier.

Make the proteins more readily available for absorption.. 

Prevent mineral deficiencies and bone loss.

Help neutralize toxins in the colon and keep the colon clean.

Prevent many health diseases and conditions.

There is a lot of research on this topic if you are interested. One of my favorite cookbooks Nourishing Traditions has a few recipes and "how to"s. 

Here is a chart to help you get started with ratios.

And here are my first experiments in action:

Lunch

>>

1 handful of Kale; shredded

1 handful of baby arugula

1/2 handful of sunflower sprouts

Cubed: 

carrots

bell pepper

cucumber

avocado

pickled lemon

Chopped:

cilantro

Sprinkle of:

hemp seeds

chai seeds

flax seeds

almond slivers

Dressing

tsp brown rice Miso

1/2 cup olive oil

tsp sesame oil

tsp soy sauce

1/4 cup vinegar

tsp almond butter

shake

Lately

Odd n Ends

spring roll prep for dinner

Garden tour late April

the garden from afar. depicted: hollyhock grove, carrot, onion, chard, and turnip boxes, hops, cucumber, snap and snow peas, strawberry patch, lavender bushes, herb garden, asparagus patch, potatoes, lettuce....  you get the idea.

Ben's Hops 

My salad garden: arugula, spinach, kale, romaine, cabbage.

strawberries and peas

Ben's hard work: nutrient rich tilled soil.

Our tree hill: apples, peaches, nectarines, cherries, plums, pomegranate.

My herbs: dill, thyme, rosemary, chamomile, oregano, basil, cilantro (mint is down by the creek running wild and untamed)

garlic grove

Seed-starts ready for take-off: tomatoes of all sorts, peppers, cukes, melons, squash, hardening off for transplant.

the joy of my days :)